My wife and I have been having problems lately in the bedroom. I complained to a friend recently and he advised that we try watching pornography together
because he believes that it will help. When I mentioned the idea to my wife, she refused adamantly that she’s not going to try it. What is really wrong with using pornography as a guide?
Thanks, Tade.
Hello Tade,
You really have not explained the problems you and your wife have been having in the bedroom so I may not know how exactly to help you with that. In response to what could be wrong with using pornography as a rule book, I will refer you to Nina Hartley, an international porn star who said pornography is “not meant to be a rulebook”. You may be surprised that that is coming from a porn star but that is how it is.
I am guessing she’s giving the advice based on the fact that sex in pornography is not the same as in real life. And some people may even think it is unfair to compare the two. Sex in pornography is performance, with one aim in mind, to generate revenue. It doesn’t have the compassionate, loving and open element shared by two adults in a normal relationship/marriage.
For instance, another pornography star, Nina Hartley, an adult film actress, once told HuffPost Live host Caitlyn Becker that “pornography is a paid, professional performance by actors. It is a fantasy, it is not meant to be a rulebook and guidebook or a how to as a general rule. And it goes to show how poor our sex education is in this country that people are reduced to looking at an entertainment medium for information about the body.”
Do you see a vast difference between real life sex and sex in pornography and why your wife may not be open to the idea? I suggest you both go for a counseling session with a marriage counselor to sort out your issues. All the best.
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